so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
