She is in my trunk
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
