i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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