there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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