Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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