Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
