I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i think i have herpe
just one?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
