3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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