SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
