i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
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Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
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Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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