Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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