it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
