What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
being pregnant is like rehab
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
