just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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