No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
