Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
