and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
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Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
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Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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