if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
