If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
