I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
