is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
