Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize