So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
