I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
