DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
