I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
