You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
