You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
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So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days