I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
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I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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