I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."