I've blown a few things in my day
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet