Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.