Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
