PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.