the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
operation have a gay friend backfired
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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