NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
