Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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