Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
