She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
