So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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