Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Couch. On fire.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
