i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
