his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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