im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
