I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
