I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
