OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
