Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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