"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I need to calm my uterus...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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