Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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