You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
