we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
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I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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