so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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