I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
