I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
