Princesses don't give blow jobs
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
