Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
