The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
