Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
