Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
