i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
