I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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