Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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