I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
