By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
