youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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