I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
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LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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