fuck your aforementioned shoe
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
