don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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