Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
