Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
