Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
