i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
