There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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