Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
