Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
