I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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