I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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