she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
