Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
